When the first Crash Bandicoot game was released I was 10 years old. HEY! Wait don’t go googling how old I am!! Anyway, My older brother and I shared the PS1. Well I say shared but by that I mean he played it all the time, and I had to bug him into insanity to let me play. Crash Bandicoot was my game!! I loved it like I loved Super Mario and Donkey Kong Country which really coming from me is high praise. It was fun, and worthy of praise.
So when the news was released that they would be remastering the three Crash Bandicoot games I loved as a kid, my heart fluttered just like all the butterflies in my stomach. I was so excited. Excitement took over even on release day where I decided to run to Gamestop at my lunch break to exchange some crappy games I never play to get the N.Sane Trilogy. I couldn’t wait, because my inner child was just screaming “run like the wind and get the game” Which was good that I went at lunch time because I was also able to preorder a SNES CLASSIC MINI–a story for another time.
I get home after work, mind you it’s a Friday so TGIF and all that shit. I put the game in…and here we go!! The intro starts and it shows old style crates and crash. Then they go through a little machine and BOOM remastered. A jumble of thoughts took over “look at my baby, he’s so cute. Is he cross eyed?! never noticed, doesn’t matter still a cutie! This is going to be fun! So easy but fun!”
First level. I am excited. So Iconic. Such nice graphics–because they really did a great job at cleaning up the game. Then we move along. The new graphics are throwing my perspective a little off. “OH THAT’S A GIANT HOLE, miscalculated that shit.” Continue on. “Haha rolling rocks, this is a piece of cake.” frustration begins to build. “Okay…slow and steady wins the race Joana.” SPLAT, Crash dies again. While slightly frustrated I still felt pretty happy, and still having fun. Then came the Native Fortress level.
Do any of you remember this level? Where you have wooden platforms you need to spin to climb upwards towards your goal? Then you need to jump on a single box mid air to make it up top, but one wrong move and SPLAT you’re at the bottom again, having to spin and jump on these evil fucking platforms. Then you think okay those are enough obstacles. NAH. Here’s some slippery algae, some totem poles with spikes, and bowls with fire that you have to bounce on to get to the other side, but you better time that properly or you will get a spike in your ass and a burn on your face while sliding down a disgusting version of a slip n slide.
I died so many times!! I kept losing. I kept getting close with my very last life only to be burned to a crisp. I was getting so frustrated that I went online. I was not alone. Hundreds of people on twitter were yelling into the void about this level. Native Fortress is the video equivalent of a horrible fucking Monday. I HATE that level. I finally beat it, and then immediately turned the game off. Now it’s not to say that I won’t be playing it again. I will, but currently I don’t have much time for it. Still I was so frustrated with that level that I thought maybe I was remembering my love for this game incorrectly. Nostalgia and the hardcore trend of it at the moment is warping my brain into remembering things differently. I AM CRAZY, if I thought this was fun as a child.
Anyway. I am happy this is in my collection, and If I play again and have more horrible experiences I will update you on how I almost threw my remote at my tv. Till then, tell me, Have you played Crash Bandicoot N Sane Trilogy? Did you break anything around you while playing? Let me know below!
Metal and the Geek 